I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
