Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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