I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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