I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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