Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
