I never want to see another naked old woman again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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