I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
