If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
