I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
