So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im holly from the hills drunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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