What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
