bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
