You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
