I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
