remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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