If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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