he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
