Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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