my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there is glitter all over my balls
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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