I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
