i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
