if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
