Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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