i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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