Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
