So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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