I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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