the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
