btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
