I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
