allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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