you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
