Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
