a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
