Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
