Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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