i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
