too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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