just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
