nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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