I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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