Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
