we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
