My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
