I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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