i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
