i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
