We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
