and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
