it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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