when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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