Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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