I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
