K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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