Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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