He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Come back. Shots need mouths.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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