Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
