I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Two words: blizzard sex
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
