Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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