Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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