i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
