I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
