She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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