so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
