ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
