Duck Duck Cougar?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
